


Starburst

by megan_ilinx



Series: The Astronomy of Us [2]
Category: GOT7
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Idiots in Love, Love, Pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-09
Updated: 2018-02-09
Packaged: 2019-03-16 01:15:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13625463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/megan_ilinx/pseuds/megan_ilinx
Summary: mark,because you've become the link between worlds for Jackson and i, i've decided to trust you with this.please don't let me down.love,meredith|||   |||  |||   |||in which the story of a new born galaxy becomes a whole universea continuation of galaxy.





	1. the cards

**Author's Note:**

> lowercase intended xx

mark,

 

i never got to thank you. for so many things.

thank you for not being at that party that night.

thank you for being on the sidelines and encouraging me to be friends with Jackson.

thank you for showing me that sometimes the risks are worth it and pain helps us grow.

thank you in advance for not telling anyone where i am.

 

these letters are for your eyes and your eyes alone, because i know he's going to come to you. he knows that you're the link.

the link between our colliding mess.

 

but mark, i'm also so sorry.

 

i wish i wasn't selfish and i could be there for you like you always seem to be there for me. i always called on you when he left me confused. i always told you what a turmoil my heart was whenever he so much as touched my cheek.

but now i can't even be there for you when he talks to you, both about me and sierra.

i swear, mark, if either of us saw this coming, we could've saved ourselves, but alas. heartbreak is our common ground once again it seems.

maybe we're the unlucky ones, maybe we're just destined to be sick in love with those already loved and loving.

 

but if it's anyone who deserves a happy ending, it's you. you, who's always there with emotional support, long talks and great advice. you who knows exactly how to put the mess of thoughts in my head into coherent sentences.

she'll come one day, mark, i know she will.

sierra doesn't know what she's lost.

i really am sorry mark.

 

even more, now that my mess lays with you. he's going to come to you, ask you if you've heard from me, and i'm asking you to lie.

you don't know where i am and you haven't heard from me in weeks.

 

if he wants to find me, he's going to have to do it himself for now while i start building myself back up without him.

mark, come see me when you can. we could go get drunk and walk along the streets blubbering about the storms in our hearts like we used to.

after all, that's how we became friends. two storms that eased away with alcohol and incoherent words.

i still remember us both crying on the roof of my apartment building the time my ex left me a note on my door telling me he's left with his fiancé to some other country.

God, we're such wrecks but i've never been so thankful for a friendship like i am for ours.

 

but for now, i'm relying on you to keep me a secret. you're the only one who can help him find me because he knows only enough to have to ask you.

but not now, mark.

i'm too much right now. i'm too many things to be able to be logical.

that's why i'm counting on you,

 

you know what cards i have in my hand, help me place them down in a manner that will help me win.

win myself back and if needed,

 

my heart.


	2. questions

mark,

 

someone came by yesterday. i was so scared it was him. they knocked a few times and then there was silence.

they knocked twice more before they left and i heard the car pulling away and driving away. i had an anxiety attack.

why is is so hard? why is it that every time i think of him or the expression on his face when the truth was exposed, that i start to cry.

he's got me so caught up in him, mark, and i don't know where to start untangling myself.

 

i want to call you, but i don't have a phone on me and i don't want to leave the house in fear that i'd run into someone and he'd find me.

i'm thinking of going somewhere else for a few days, but i don't know anywhere else, so again, i'm coming to you.

you've told me many times of one of your close friends staying in a neighboring town. do you think you could ask him if i could crash there until i can settle down my heart?

again, i'm so sorry mark. but i promise i'll make this all up to you. you're just all i have right now.

 

i know you said you don't mind, but i'm always going to feel bad for burdening you with my broken pieces, no matter if this is what friends are for. you deserve better than a lost girl counting on you for help with her misplaced thoughts and feelings.

anyways, i'm really looking forward to seeing you in three days. it's been a bit overbearing with all the silence around me and the noise in my mind.

also, thank you for lying to him. i'm glad you didn't tell me everything, even when i know you wanted to. if you did, i'd probably come running back to him and i can't.

not when he wants sierra.

 

sometimes i feel bad for leaving him like that, you know? but i can't help that i'm human too. i can't keep making his happiness my priority when i've forgotten what mine was.

but then again, he is my happiness.

mark, what have i come to? is this really me? have i really succumbed to making a boy my happiness? after all i've been through in the past with the rest of them, have i really done it again?

 

why do we fall so easily and heal so slowly?

i just can't seem to learn, can i?

 

anyways, talk to me when you can. just remember, as much i am talking about my own situation right now, i'm still worried about you.

don't let it bottle up and fester like i did, mark.

 

it only hurts more.


	3. friend of a friend part 2

mark,

 

jinyoung is something else. i can see why you're such good friends with him.

obviously, it was awkward at first, but he's very kind to accept a stranger into his home solely because she's a friend of a friend.

again, there's that saying. it's come such a long way now, such an important part to this story. my story. it's seems i can't make friends on my own, now can i?

anyways, jinyoung made dead sure i was comfortable in the guest room. he made me a nice home cooked meal when he found out i hadn't really eaten the past two days. it's funny how heartache makes you forget everything else.

stupid, really, how pathetic we can be when it comes to our feelings.

we sat at the kitchen table until 3 am, him having me tell him exactly what has me in such a state. he's very considerate, the way he listens to you, nodding his head, and the sincere look on his face.

i'm also so thankful you have him, because now i know that you have someone you can talk to when you don't talk to me. i'm so thankful you have someone like i have you.

but besides being such a humbled soul, i've learnt within the 13 hours i've been in his home that he can be quite sassy. he's made me truly laugh and it's been such a relief to do so.

honestly, you don't have to worry about me while i'm here, mark. jinyoung is a true angel and i couldn't be more grateful for you two.

he makes sure i get some rest, that i ease my mind from Jackson.

 

the only thing is, you failed to mention that he's friends with Jackson as well.

so he's a friend of a friend again.

but can i really call Jackson a friend? can you truly call someone who has your whole being in their hands a friend?

i actually don't want to think about that, so i'm going to move on from that question.

 

you're visiting tomorrow and it's been all i can look forward to lately. seeing a familiar face and being around people that understand where i am at the moment.

i've told jinyoung about our ritual. he's very disapproving of it, let me just say, but i've seemed to get him to cut us some slack for the night.

 

again, the boy has such a kind soul. sassy and sweet, that's how i've chosen to describe him. he's so put together, it makes me feel at ease when i talk to him, i can feel i'm in good hands.

 

looking at him and thinking of you, it really is no question that you are all friends, honestly. although i hate talking about him, i can't deny that you're all similar in some ways.

that's probably why it's also a bit difficult to be around jinyoung.

i'm starting to honestly hate what i've become because of my love for him, mark. this isn't who i want to be.

 

i don't want to be that girl that looks at the world and only sees what she can't have. i need to be able to move past him.

bring lots of vodka and sour patch kids with you tomorrow, mark. it's about time i let my mind detach from my sober heart.

it's about time i let my body do what it wants.

 

i'm looking forward to ending up on a roof, crying with you again.


	4. decisions

mark,

 

it's been two days since that night.

since you told me what truly happened that day he came to you.

quite honestly i'm still in shock and i don't know what to think.

 

i didn't expect him to cry. i didn't expect him to not leave my apartment or ignore everyone around him. i didn't expect for him to end up drunk because of me.

mark, what does this all even mean? why even knowing that he has feelings for sierra, i have hope fluttering in my chest?

why do i feel that maybe, just maybe there's a chance of us?

 

mark, help me please. i'm still spiraling in the thought of him, the thought of his love.

i miss him so much and hearing those messy words fall from your lips that night, a street away from jinyoung's home, it only had me longing even more for him.

the way you explained how he stumbled into your place, in tears and intoxicated, begging you to tell him that you knew where i was, begging you to tell him that he could find me.

 

you looked me straight into my glassy eyes, and told me that i wasn't the only one in pieces because of this galaxy.

and as drunk and gone as i was, the mention of him missing me, crying over me brought me back to sobriety.

Jackson is my sanity, and how ironic when he is the reason for me feeling so insane.

 

mark, i'm so tempted to tell you to help him now, to finally let him find me, but again, i'm scared of the disappointment.

i'm scared of him telling me that it's still sierra he wants and he just didn't want to lose me, as a friend.

so, i've come to the decision to leave it with you, mark. tell me what you choose to tell me, and tell him according to what he tells you.

i know i never gave him the chance to talk last week when i told him the truth, so if you know his side of the story and you think i need to hear it, mark, i trust you.

i know this is a lot, and i'm sorry, but you'll know what to do. your judgement is better than mine right now, and we both know that.

 

he's become my world and in the process, made me fragile. i don't know what or who i am, and so i'm in no right mind to make a decision when it comes to him.

that's why i've left it to you, mark. you know me inside out, and from what i can tell, you know him just as well. so who better to make this decision than the link between us two.

don't overthink it, mark.

 

you'll know what to do when the time comes.

for now, i'll be where you know to find me.

take care, mark.

 

i trust you.


	5. him

mark,

 

three weeks ago, you knocked on the door to the house my parents bought for me when i first moved here. the house i shared with my ex for three years.

i didn't answer immediately, because inside me, i knew it was time. i knew it was you having made your decision.

so when i cracked open the door to see you with your head down, i opened the door fully.

 

i just didn't expect him to be there behind you, red rimmed eyes, hair a mess and clothes disarrayed. my lips wobbled as he looked up at me and the tense expression on his face fell to relief.

 

mark, my heart had burst into stars and planets then.

 

he stepped forward with his hand reaching for me, but he stopped when you shook your head at him.

he swallowed and nodded his head, looking back at me with those forlorn eyes.

you asked me if you guys could come inside, and i just moved aside, my eyes unable to leave him.

 

you walked in, but both Jackson and i stayed where we were. drinking in the image of each other, both stuck in the reality of being across from each other.

in my mind, everything from a month ago played in my head as i stared at him. so many emotions washed over me like the tide, but nothing could shake my gaze on him.

even with his broken appearance, Jackson radiated beauty.

 

it was only when you placed your hand on my shoulder and gestured to the interior of the house that we both looked away and moved.

i walked in ahead of him, following you to the living room.

 

the house was empty, i had sold almost everything in it after my ex had left me. i was angry and heartbroken, and getting rid of anything that reminded me of him was all that seemed to help me then.

all that was left were two tattered couches from my childhood and the bed upstairs that was always in the guest room. a bed i slept in very often two years back.

but there i was again, in the same house with a different heartache, and he was sitting right across from me with his head down and his posture sloppy.

it wasn't like him, mark. we both knew that. that's why i turned to you, but you had such a poker face that i didn't know what to think.

 

**i think it's about time the two of you actually spoke. you're both only ruining yourselves like this. it's time you two face each other.**

 

that was all you said before you stood up, leaned down in front of me and laid a kiss on my forehead. you didn't say anything but you offered me a smile. i didn't know what to think of it, so i left it amongst everything else i didn't know.

 

you left the house then and it was just me and him.

 

mark, my heart was beating so loud in my head and i couldn't sit still. my body had too much adrenaline and it was starting to get to me.

but then Jackson looked up with his tired eyes, and there was this light in them that i didn't see when i opened the door.

 

**_i wanted to find you sooner, meredith, but you wouldn't let me._ **


	6. his world

mark,

 

there was only two ways the conversation could've gone and i was prepared for neither of them.

to be completely honest, i wasn't prepared for anything. i had woken up that morning with no expectations of this happening.

it wasn't until you knocked on the door that i had even thought of seeing him then.

but you see the thing is, mark. even when my heart was torn in pieces because of him, it still had beaten for him.

 

isn't that just so funny?

 

even with all i had put myself through because of the man across me, i still loved him.

nothing had changed.

 

Jackson sighed and ran his hand through his hair before he looked up at me. i could see the restless nights and confusion on him like the wrinkled tshirt he was wearing.

 

**_can i sit next to you?_ **

 

i wasn't surprised by his request, after all, Jackson never liked being on bad terms with anyone. he can't deal with things like these. he hates having something between him and the people he cares about.

i didn't answer him but i moved up a bit as a gesture that he could. there was the slightest expression of relief and joy on his face as he got up cautiously and sat by my side.

he played with his hands, constantly glancing in my direction.

 

**_i'm still in a bit of shock at the moment. meredith, i haven't seen you in a month. do you know how absolutely crazy that is?_ **

 

suddenly, Jackson found the words swimming in his head and he had pieced them together as he turned to me.

 

**_you-you never gave me the chance to talk that day meredith. no, instead you turned around and left. all i had left of you was your letters and an empty apartment._ **

 

mark, the struggle on his face had me wanting to run away. the way his eyebrows furrowed and he licked his lips in frustration. he'd shake his head as he spoke, his thoughts obviously bothering him.

his hands were moving as he spoke like he wanted to take the situation hands-on, but he couldn't. this wasn't something that had physically broken, this was a story with uncompleted sentences and missing paragraphs.

 

this time, he had to use his words.

 

he turned his entire body to face me and finally his hands grabbed onto something they wanted to fix.

me.

 

**_meredith, all this time you've been next to me, suffering because you wouldn't let your feelings show, i wasn't making it any easier on you._ **

**_i never want to hurt you, princess. i don't want to be reason behind your tears or the frown on your face. i can't handle you being anything but happy and all this time, you were anything but._ **

 

but that's when i interrupted him, mark. he was taking all the blame on him and it wasn't fair.

 

**don't say that, Jackson. that's not true, you made me happy. you always somehow do, no matter what my heart is facing, you make things brighter for me.**

 

mark, his eyes dropped and lingered on my face. his gaze was intense, like he was looking for something.

 

his lips lifted in this smile that i couldn't really place but i ignored it and focused on him sitting there, holding me instead.

 

**_you can never let me take the blame, can you?_ **

 

he said it so softly that my eyes closed involuntarily at the tone.

 

**_princess, i'm so sorry._ **

 

that's when i pulled away. that's when i accepted that there was no place in his heart for me.

i mean, how could there be mark, when sierra had everything i didn't and then some.

who did i think i was to think i could be with someone like him?

 

**_hey! no, no, you're not doing this again meredith. for love of God, please just let me speak without you running away!_ **

 

so i sat still, but i couldn't having him touching me, mark. no, i had to prepare myself for anything and i couldn't do that when his touch melted away most of my defense.

**_thank you._ **

 

he whispered and then licked his lips. he got comfortable and reached for me again, but he stopped himself when he saw that i was shying away.

**_princess, i know you're scared and you have the right to be. you've been hurt and of course that's going to play a role on the way you treat feelings. but i only have on_ ** **_e_ ** **_request, meredith._ **

**_please don't be scared of me._ **

**_please hear me out first. please tell me what's going on in that head of your_ ** **_s_ ** **_and stick around when it's my turn to talk._ **

**_goodness meredith, we've known each other for a year now, i know you hate talking about feelings and you're never comfortable with these things, but i would think you would know by now that i_ ** **_would_ ** **_never intentionally hurt you._ **

**_i'd rather drag a blade across my face than be the reason for you running away._ **

 

this time he didn't let me shy away, he grabbed my hands and held them tightly. he pulled me closer, made sure we had contact and made sure i heard every word he said.

 

**_do you know why i'm here?_ **

**_because i'm missing something in my life. i'm missing my friend, my sister, my mother, my wife, my home._ **

**_meredith, i lost my world the day you walked out of that apartment._ **

 

mark, he grabbed my face and wiped away my tears. he started to smile and pull my body into his.

 

**_princess, i was wrong not to see who truly had me in the palm of her hands._ **

**_i didn't go to sierra when i felt down and worn out, i didn't go to her when_ ** **_i_ ** **_wanted an adventure. her apartment never felt like home. she didn't know to play with my hair when i laid on her lap, she didn't know that i like lots of sugar in my coffee._ **

**_princess, she doesn't know me like you do. she doesn't make me feel like you do._ **

**_i woke up every morning on your living room floor hoping you'd come back, but you didn't. and when i found the letters you had left, i was sure of one thing._ **

**_i loved you for longer than my own head had known._ **

**_it's crazy really, princess, you stole my heart from right under me and i didn't even know it._ **

**_so now meredith, i'm begging you,_ **

 

**_please come back to me and let me have my world back in my arms._ **


	7. the conclusion

mark,

 

i've heard of people falling in love with people they have never spoken to. i've heard of people falling in love without ever meeting. i've heard of people falling in love.

but this was the first time i've heard of someone falling in love and not even being aware of it.

but it's made one thing really clear. love really is insane. almost all of the ridiculous stories you hear are linked to love.

and yet, we still think so highly of it.

because even when love makes us do the weirdest of things, it's still the best feeling to endure.

 

it's such a powerful feeling, mark.

 

 

but mark, my dearest friend, i am so thankful for you and i cannot express it enough.

 

we've been through storms and rainbows together. we've been there for each other through sickness, hangovers, tears, laughter, hookups, breakups, and so much more.

mark, you are the brother i never had, but more than that, you are my guardian angel.

you see through all my masks and know me better sometimes than i know myself.

which is exactly how you knew to bring him to me that day.

and because of you, mark, i found my home in him.

 

you unknowingly gave me everything i had lacked by simply making me a friend of a friend. you were the link between our worlds.

i owe you the world

 

and i swear mark, i'll do my best to give you what you've given me.

you've given me my missing planet.

and mark,

 

if i find her, you can trust me to make sure she deserves you.

you thoughtful, beautiful soul, i don't deserve all you've given me.

yet i have you, my guardian angel.

 

she's out there, mark. and we aren't destined to be unloved. i was wrong and i hope you can forgive me for ever saying that.

if you ever need anything, you know who to call.

 

love,   
meredith.


End file.
